May 7th, 2010 by admin

April 1st, 2010 by admin

There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his cock sticking out of his pants!

The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, “What are you doing?”, to which the Indian replies, “Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial.” The cowboy in disbelief says, “Ok, what time is it?” The Indian looks down at his “3:35…” “That’s amazing, your right!” the cowboy says in amazement.

So he hops onto his horse and keeps going. Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his “one eyed bandit” and says “4:40″. The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.

After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his “bald headed champ” except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, “And what are you doing?” to which the Indian replies, “Me winding clock.”

March 17th, 2010 by admin

Tomasz moved from Poland to the UK and married and Englishwoman. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along reasonably well.

One day, he rushes to a lawyer’s office and asks if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances. So, he asks him the following questions:

Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Tomasz: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home, back in Poland.

Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Tomasz: It made of concrete.

Lawyer (grudges): I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
Tomasz: No, we have carport and not need any garages.

Lawyer: I mean, what are your relations like?
Tomasz: All my relations still in Poland.

Lawyer (exasperated): Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Tomasz: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good quality DVD player.

Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?
Tomasz: No, I always up before her.

Lawyer (almost gives up): Can you please tell me why do you want this divorce?
Tomasz: She going to kill me.

Lawyer: What makes you think that?
Tomasz: I got proof.

Lawyer: What kind of proof?
Tomasz: She going to poison me.

Lawyer: How?
Tomasz: She buy a bottle at the drugstore and put on bathroom shelf. I can read it. It say in big capital letters “POLISH REMOVER”

February 4th, 2010 by admin

What did the Scotsman do when he couldn’t find a pair of pants?

He kilt himself.

October 15th, 2009 by admin

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?”

September 26th, 2009 by admin

A Welshman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Welshman took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get “those feelings” again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear… .
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?

July 19th, 2009 by admin

A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other.

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman’s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.

The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, “In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg.”

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.

The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, “Now it’s my turn to kick you.”

The Scotsman smiled and said, “Ye can keep the damn egg!!”

July 11th, 2009 by admin

One day, there were three Englishmen in an English bar, and they saw an Irishman sitting down drinking so they decided to play a trick on him.

The first Englishman said to the Irishman, “Did you know St. Patrick was a sissy?” The Irishman said, “No, I didn’t.” The first Englishman went back and told his friends it didn’t work.

The second Englishman went up to the Irishman and said, “Did you know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?” The Irishman said, “No, I didn’t.” The Englishman went back and told his friends it didn’t work.

The third Englishman went to the Irishman and said, “Did you know that St. Patrick was an Englishman? The Irishman said, “No, I didn’t. But that’s what your friends were trying to tell me.”

June 26th, 2009 by admin

At a local college, there was a dance.

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug”. She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss”. She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich”. She says, “Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

June 23rd, 2009 by admin

Paddy and Murphy decide to bury their dead Father at sea and set off in their small fishing boat.

“How about here?” shouts Paddy. With that Murphy dives in and comes back to the surface, “Nah mate not deep enough, lets go out some more” says Murphy.

10 Minutes later, “How about here?”, shouts Paddy again. Once again Murphy dives in and resurfaces, “Nah mate, still not deep enough, lets go out some more.”

10 Minutes later, “How about here?”, shouts Paddy again. Once again Murphy dives in and 10 Minutes later returns to the surface. “That oughta do it” he replies “Now pass me the shovel!”