March 30th, 2010 by admin
The Next Cubicle
A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.
“Hey, hows it going?”
Not wanting to be rude, he replied, “Not too bad thanks.”
A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.
“What are you up to?”
Somewhat relunctantly, he replied, “Having a quick shit, what about you?”
He heard the voice again.
“Hold on, I’m going to have to call you back. There’s some wise ass in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!”
March 27th, 2010 by admin
Simple Logic:
Teacher: ‘Name one animal that is found in the desert.’
Ren: ‘A camel.’
Teacher: ‘Good. Name another animal.’
Kelvin: ‘Another camel.’
March 5th, 2010 by admin
Half dressed redneck couple sitting on couch watching news on TV with man’s arm around the woman. The man says “Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. Right, Darlin?” The woman replies, “That’s right, Daddy.”
March 2nd, 2010 by admin
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?”
To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”
February 24th, 2010 by admin
A preacher goes into a bar and says “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.” Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?” The drunk says “When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now.”
January 11th, 2010 by admin
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. “Papa fell in the well last week – ” he began. “Good heavens,” shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. “Is he all right now?” “He must be,” said little Irving. “He stopped yelling for help yesterday.”
January 8th, 2010 by admin
What’s the difference between an 11-year old girl and ice cream?
You can’t use an 11-year old girl to lure ice cream into your basement.
December 31st, 2009 by admin
One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”
“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60.” Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!”
“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20.” “Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”
“Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10.” “Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”
December 29th, 2009 by admin
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, come along with me then.” the man from the limousine said excitedly. “But sir, I have a wife with two children!”
“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!” he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered. “Bring them as well!”
So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The rich man replied, “No, thank you… the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!”
December 22nd, 2009 by admin
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Control freak, now you say “Control freak who?”