October 11th, 2009 by admin
- I love animals, they taste great.
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check?
- I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
April 7th, 2009 by admin
MARRIAGE IS GRAND. DIVORCE IS 100 GRAND.
I’M HUNG LIKE EINSTEIN AND SMART AS A HORSE.
WHY IS A JOB BETTER THEN A WIFE? AFTER 10 YEARS A JOB STILL SUCKS.
I’M THE BOSS. MY WIFE SAID I COULD BE.
I BRAKE FOR HOOTERS.
I MAY BE AN OLD DOG, BUT I CAN STILL BURY A BONE.
MY WIFE KEEPS SAYING I NEVER LISTEN TO HER, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
IF SIZE DOESN’T MATTER HOW COME I’M SO POPULAR?
I DO WHAT THE VOICES IN MY WIFE’S HEAD TELL ME TO DO.
I’M NOT A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL, BUT I PLAY ONE ON THE INTERNET.
MY WIFE GIVES ME SOUND ADVICE …. 99% SOUND, 1% ADVICE
March 15th, 2009 by admin
- Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
- If all is not lost, where is it?
- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
- Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.
- The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
- I started out with nothing…I still have most of it.
September 7th, 2008 by admin
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90% of my money I spent on beer and women………the rest I wasted.
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Please Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won’t spoil me.
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He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
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Everyone has a right to be stupid, you’re just abusing the privilege.
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90% of teens today would die if myspace had a system failure!
April 29th, 2008 by admin
- 4 out of 3 people have problems with fractions.
- Please honk if parts fall off.
- ROCK is dead
Long live paper and scissors
- We are the people our parents warned us about.
- Run. Run. The paranoids are coming!
- Unless you’re a hemorrhoid, get off my ass
- I see dumb people…
- Dont hit kids. They have guns now.
- I love cats “they taste just like chicken”.
- Your body would look good in my trunk.
- I thought I was indecisive; now I’m not so sure.
February 15th, 2008 by admin
- Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal.
- If you’re going to ride my a**, at least pull my hair!
- Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set!
- Keep Honking. I’m Reloading.
- No stereo. Already Stolen. Sorry To Disappoint You.
- Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
- If You Don’t Like The Way I Drive, Stay Off The Sidewalk!
- Jesus loves you….everyone else thinks you are an a**hole!
- Drive it like you stole it.
January 10th, 2008 by admin
- Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding.
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
January 6th, 2008 by admin
- My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
- All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets .
- I am not a bum – My wife works
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes
- If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
- I still miss my wife, But my aim is improving
- Help! I Farted and can’t roll down my windows!
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep.
- Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
- The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative
- My kid had sex with your honor student.
