November 13th, 2008 by admin

August 30th, 2008 by admin

August 27th, 2008 by admin

June 23rd, 2008 by admin

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
side of the road!

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right
from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after
the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do I s help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from
his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
‘Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C% ……. reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of “cross”?

AL GORE:
I invented the road AND the highway!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

April 7th, 2008 by admin

• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.
•  Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.
• All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.
• Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.
• Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate.
• When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
• 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.
• During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
• Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.
• When at a summer camp, the teenagers always go outside, after dark, one by one to confront the insane killer.

March 28th, 2008 by admin

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and isnt safe for children, and the other one carries groceries.

March 26th, 2008 by admin

• It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
• A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
• If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
• Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
• It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
• When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
• No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
• Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
• When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
• You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
• Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
•  An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
• Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

January 29th, 2008 by admin

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn’t have one,
The POPE has one but doesn’t use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns’ was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s
what is it?

A last name ……..Were you thinking of something else?

January 13th, 2008 by admin

January 11th, 2008 by admin

• “Amnesty means that you’ve got to pay a price for having been here illegally, and this bill does that.”
• “The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.”
• “I don’t particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it.”
• “All of us in America want there to be fairness when it comes to justice.”
• “Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?”
• “Well, I think if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.”
• “We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.”
• “There’s a lot of blowhards in the political process, you know, a lot of hot-air artists, people who have got something fancy to say.”
• “There are jobs Americans aren’t doing. … If you’ve got a chicken factory, a chicken-plucking factory, or whatever you call them, you know what I’m talking about.”
• “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”