February 23rd, 2010 by admin

January 15th, 2010 by admin

October 20th, 2008 by admin

September 11th, 2008 by admin

September 5th, 2008 by admin

August 28th, 2008 by admin

June 20th, 2008 by admin

• Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• The Big Bang took place shortly after god borrowed some money from Chuck Norris and failed to return it.
• Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, which is why there are no signs of life.
• Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
• Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

April 29th, 2008 by admin

• Chuck Norris tried to learn Tai Chi, but he killed too many people in slow motion.
• Chuck Norris runs with scissors because only he can.
• Chuck Norris can pat his head, rub his belly, and jerk off at the same time.
• Chuck Norris is not allowed to sit in the side aisles on airplanes. His body is so dense, the plane is thrown off balance.
• Carrot Top was once roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. Pretty obvious, isn’t it?
• Chinese people think Chuck Norris is a god. Chuck Norris allows the smart people to live.
• Chuck Norris seldom flies anymore. His entire body is on the “restricted items” list.
• A mugger shot Chuck Norris 28 times in the head once. Chuck Norris laughed for so long that the mugger died of old age.
• Chuck Norris walked into a bar and roundhouse kicked the bartender, killing him. Then, at one of the tables, he roundhouse kicked a priest, a rabbi, and an Irishman. At the next table, he killed a blonde and her mother-in-law. Chuck Norris himself will admit he’s not good at telling jokes, if he ever admitted any weakness.
• Whatever ever you do don’t misspell Chuk Norris’ name or you’ll die before you can finish the sen-

March 21st, 2008 by admin

• Count from one to ten. That’s how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you…Fourty seven times.
• They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be “Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick.”
• When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
• For Chuck Norris, every street is “one way”. HIS WAY.
• Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
• Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
• Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
• “Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
• Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
• Chuck Norris CAN in fact ‘raise the roof’. And he can do it with one hand.
• Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn’t kill women.
• Most people know that Descarte said, “I think, therefore I am.” What most people don’t know is that that quote continues, “…afraid of Chuck Norris.”
• Whoever said “only the good die young” was probably in Chuck Norris’s kindergarten class.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
• Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.

March 18th, 2008 by admin

• When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
• The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
• Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
• If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
• Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
• There is no Control button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
• Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
• Chuck Norris is ” The best a man can get ”
• He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
• Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.