February 29th, 2008 by admin

February 29th, 2008 by admin

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” said the vet, “let’s have a look at him”.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, the vet says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”.

February 28th, 2008 by admin

February 28th, 2008 by admin

• Never date cross-eyed people ’cause they’re always seeing someone on the side…
• I don’t mean to be overly inquisitive, but are you still alive???
• I want to reach your mind – - Where is it currently located?
• Lets not complicate our relationship by trying to communicate with each other.
• Please don’t put a strain on our relationship by asking me to do something for you.
• CHANGE!! Its time for us to make some big changes. Why don’t you change first?
• I can admit to myself that I was wrong… But I will never admit it to you…
• Everybody is entitled to my opinion.
• Been through hell??? What did you bring back for me?
• My opinions may have changed… But not the fact that I am right.
• Don’t ever ask me to choose between you and happiness because I’ll choose you every time!

February 27th, 2008 by admin

February 27th, 2008 by admin

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix
the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”

To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead?
I don’t think so.”

“Fine,” she says, “Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They’re about to break.”

“I’m not a damn carpenter and I don’t want to fix the steps,” he says. “Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!”

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is
working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. “Honey, how’d this all get fixed?”

She said, “Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was
either screw him or bake him a cake.”

He said, “So, what kind of cake did you bake him?”

She replied, “Hellooooo… Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?”

February 27th, 2008 by admin

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…”
A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit!…

February 26th, 2008 by admin

February 26th, 2008 by admin

After numerous rounds of “We don’t know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive”, Osama decided to personally send President Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was “still in the game”.

Mr. Bush opened the letter, which contained a single line of “coded” message:

370HSSV-0773H

Mr. Bush was baffled, so he sent copies to his Chief of Staff, and several Secretaries, including Condi Rice and Donald Rumsfeld. Their assistants and aides had no clue as to the meaning or translation of the code, so it was sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, then to the CIA and also to NASA. With no clue to the translation, they eventually asked Israel’s MOSAD for help.

Within a minute, MOSAD cabled the White House with this reply:

“Tell the President he is holding the message upside down.”

February 26th, 2008 by admin

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?”

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?”.

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, “Okay, were they doing anything else?”

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?”

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.