May 30th, 2008 by admin

May 30th, 2008 by admin

Where do one legged people eat?

I-Hop

May 30th, 2008 by admin

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.

About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, “Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!” The first guy responds, “Oh, it’s really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk.” “WOW!” exclaims the second man, “I gotta try that!”

So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, “Superman, you’re an asshole when you’re drunk.”

May 29th, 2008 by admin

May 29th, 2008 by admin

Homer Simpson, praying Heavenward:
“I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!”

May 29th, 2008 by admin

A couple were going out for the evening. They got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.
They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. ”Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

May 28th, 2008 by admin

May 28th, 2008 by admin

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the
bar which reads:
——————————…
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00
——————————…

Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to
the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes
serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you?”

“I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the
hand-jobs?”

“Yes”, she purrs, “indeed I am!”

The man replies “Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

May 27th, 2008 by admin

May 27th, 2008 by admin

• you and your wife work with your shirts off.
• you’re at a dance and someone yells “Hoe Down” and your girlfriend drops to the floor.
• you think Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy .
• you have to borrow grandpas teeth to eat your supper.
• your patio furniture used to be your living room furniture.
• you’ve ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
• your Christmas ornaments are made out of spent shot-gun shells.
• your Mother-in-law has ‘ammo’ on her Christmas list!
• you and your wife stay married for the sake of the dogs.
• your favorite vegetable is a corn dog.