July 30th, 2008 by admin

July 30th, 2008 by admin

A man walked into the local DSS to pick up his Giro. He marched straight up to the counter and saw the same woman as usual.

He remarked on how much he hated drawing state benefits and with that she told him that today was his lucky day.

We have a vacancy from a wealthy man who wants a Chauffeur for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and lots of benefits. You will escort his daughter on her overseas holiday trips and of course you will need to satisfy her sexual urges. All cash in hand and you don’t have to declare a thing.

The guy, wide-eyed, said, ‘ You’re kidding me!’
The social worker said, ‘ Yeah, well . You started it first.’

July 29th, 2008 by admin

July 29th, 2008 by admin

• What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she’s pregnant.
  Is it mine?
• Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
  A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!
• Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a river. One calls over, “How do you get to the other side?” The other responds, “You ARE on the other side!”
• A blonde walks into a library and says “Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?” the librarian says “This is a library.” The blonde then says “Oh”(very quiet):”can I have a cheeseburger and fries?”

July 28th, 2008 by admin

July 28th, 2008 by admin

• Yo momma so small she did a drive by in a hotwheel!
• Yo momma so skinny she can dodge rain drops.
• Yo momma so skinny when she went to the strip club she was the pole.
• Yo momma so dumb she tried to hang herself with a cordless phone.
• Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
• Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!
• Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
• Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.
• Yo momma so poor she chases the garbage truck with her grocery list.
• Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

July 27th, 2008 by admin

July 27th, 2008 by admin

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete fool of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”
“He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.”
“You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”
“Well, screw him!” said John.
“I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”

July 26th, 2008 by admin

July 26th, 2008 by admin

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people show up for the tryout. One is a handsome lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it—this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment: a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip, and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth drops to the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

The young man replies, “Absolutely, just get that friggin’ lion out of the way.”