October 31st, 2008 by admin

October 31st, 2008 by admin

October 30th, 2008 by admin

• Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.
• Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
• Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?
• Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?

October 29th, 2008 by admin

A man is driving down a deserted highway, and notices a sign that
reads: SISTERS OF MERCYHOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 10 MILES.
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he
sees another sign which says… SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
- 5 MILES.
Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure enough,
there is a third… SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – NEXT
RIGHT.
His curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls into the driveway. On
the far side of the parking lot, is a somber stone building with a
sign on the door that reads… SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps,
rings the bell, and a nun answers the door in a long black habit, who
asks “What may we do for you, my son?”
“I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly
doing some business,” he answers.
“Very well, my son. Please follow me,” says the nun.
He is led through many winding passages, and soon he is very
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man,
“Please, knock on this door” and leaves. The man does as he is told,
and this door is opened by another nun in a long black habit, holding
a tin cup. This nun instructs “Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go
through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.” He places
the money in this nuns tin cup. He trots eagerly down the hallway, and
slips through the door, pulling it shut.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking
lot, facing another small sign: “Go In Peace. You have just been
screwed by the Sisters Of Mercy.”

October 28th, 2008 by admin

October 27th, 2008 by admin

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after
spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and
filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was
late getting home and was speeding… Wouldn’t you know that a cop
jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the
bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, “You know how fast you were
going, boy?”
Bob thought for a second and said, “Uh, 60?”
“67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!” said the
cop.
“But if you already knew, officer,” replied Bob, “why did you ask me?”
Fuming over Bob’s answer, the officer growled and said in his
sarcastic fashion, “That’s speeding, and you’re getting a ticket and a
fine!”
The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire
and said, “You don’t even look like you have a job! Why, I’ve never
seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!”
Bob answered, “I’ve got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!”
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob’s fish, and said, “What
kind of job would a bum like you have?”
“I’m a rectum stretcher!” replied Bob.
“What did you say, boy?” asked the patrolman.
“I’m a rectum stretcher!”
The cop, scratching his head, asked, “What does a rectum stretcher
do?”
Bob explained, “People call me up and say they need to be stretched,
so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a
couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull
them farther and farther apart until it’s a full six feet across.”
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, “What
the hell do you do with a six-foot asshole?”
Bob said, “You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!”

October 26th, 2008 by admin

October 25th, 2008 by admin

“You’ve just had your twelfth baby miss. What are you going to name this one?”

“Phil”

“But you named the last eleven Phil”

“Yeah its great. I say Phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say Phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner.”

“But what if you only want one of them?”

“Oh! Then I call them by their last name.”

October 25th, 2008 by admin

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

October 20th, 2008 by admin