February 28th, 2009 by admin

February 27th, 2009 by admin

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
“Care to go to bed?” the husband asked.
“Shh!” said his blushing bride. “These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code – like, ‘Have you left the washing machine door open’ – instead.”
So, the following night, the husband asks: “I don’t suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?”
“No,” she snapped back, “I definitely shut it.” Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: “I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all…”
“Don’t worry,” said the man. “It was only a small load so I did it by hand.”

February 26th, 2009 by admin

February 25th, 2009 by admin

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started………

———————————————————————————————————————

 My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started……..

February 22nd, 2009 by admin

February 21st, 2009 by admin

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

Watching the kids play she notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun with a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

“Are you ok?” she says.

“Yes” he replied.

“You do know that you can go and play with the other kids”, she says.

“Its best I stay here” he said.

“But why?” says the blonde.

The boys says “Because I’m the fucking goalie!”

February 20th, 2009 by admin

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started……..

————————————————————————————————————————-

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Shit. That must be my husband!’

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’

The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And then the fight started……..

February 19th, 2009 by admin

February 18th, 2009 by admin

Paddy and Murphy were walking through the countryside.

Paddy says to Murphy, “Will you look at that headstone. Dat fella lived till he was a 140 years old!”

“Bejaysus” said Murphy, “That’s bloody amazing! What was da little fella’s name?”

Paddy knelt down for a closer look at the stone and read:
(140 MILES FROM LONDON)

February 17th, 2009 by admin

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”

And that’s when the fight started…….

—————————————————————————————————————

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started…….