March 31st, 2009 by admin

• My magic watch says that you don’t have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast.
• Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
• I’m not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!
• My socks are having a party, do your pants want to come down?
• There are 206 bones in the human body… do you want another one?
• What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!
• I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
• Do you work at subway? Because you just gave me a footlong!
• If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

March 30th, 2009 by admin

March 29th, 2009 by admin

Why did the blonde climb to the top of the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
 

March 28th, 2009 by admin

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to put the light bulb in, the other to turn the ladder.

March 26th, 2009 by admin

March 25th, 2009 by admin

• Do you have a keg in your pants? (No! Why?) Cause I’d like to tap that!
• Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
• See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute.
• Was your Dad a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns.
• I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
• You turn my software into hardware!
• You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everybody we did it anyway.
• Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

March 24th, 2009 by admin

• All your wall decorations have horns on them.
• The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your house.
• Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
• Most of your family have appeared on COPS.
• Neither your nor your husband’s job requires you to wear a shirt to work.
• Counting sheep makes you more aroused than sleepy.
• A full moon reminds you of your mother-in-law pullin’ weeds.
• The cleaners inform you that they can’t get the sweat stains out.
• On stag night, you take a real deer.
• The quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in the wet t-shirt contest.

March 23rd, 2009 by admin

March 22nd, 2009 by admin

• Customer: ‘I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.’
  Tech Support: ‘Tell me what You’ve done.’
  Customer: ‘I typed A:SETUP.’
  Tech Support: ‘Ma’ am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.’
  Customer: ‘It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.
  Tech Support: ‘Insert the MS Word setup disk.’
  Customer: ‘What?’
  Tech Support: ‘Did you buy Microsoft Word?’
  Customer: ‘No…’

• Tech Support: ‘Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?’ There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.
  Tech Support: ‘Hello? I need your phone number, please’. More touch tones.
  Tech Support: ‘Hi, can you hear me?’
  Customer: ‘Yes.’
  Tech Support: ‘Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?’ More touch tones.
  Tech Support: ‘Sir, what’s your name?’
  Customer: Malcolm
  Tech Support: ‘Great, now can you tell me your phone number?’ Touch tones again.
  Tech Support: ‘Please, tell me your phone number.’
  Customer: ‘Again?’
  Tech Support: ‘Yes sir, if you don’t mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?’ Touch tones yet again.
  Tech Support: ‘Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I’ll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?’
  Customer: ‘You people are rude as well as incompetent.’

• Customer: ‘All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!’
  Tech Support: ‘Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?’
  Customer: ‘No, I don’t . I just know it was on my C: drive.’
  Tech Support: ‘Ok, I’ll walk you through how to find the files.’
  Customer: ‘I wouldn’t think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.’

• Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can’t see me.
  Tech Support: What brand is your webcam?
  Customer: What’s a webcam?

• Customer: My mouse mat isn’t wired up.
  Tech Support: I’m not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn’t have any wires.
  Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?

March 21st, 2009 by admin