April 30th, 2009 by admin
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm. The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”
The husband, rejected, turns over. But, a few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”
April 28th, 2009 by admin
Did you hear about the person who was caught pickpocketing a dwarf?
…… how could anyone stoop so low?
April 27th, 2009 by admin
Q: How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Assholes never see the light anyway.
April 27th, 2009 by admin
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.
April 25th, 2009 by admin
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. “Hear that?” you say, “That’s dynamite, baby.”
If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it’ll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
April 23rd, 2009 by admin
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one — one to hold the bulb and 20 to drink until the room spins.
April 22nd, 2009 by admin
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
April 20th, 2009 by admin
I was such an ugly kid, when I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
When my wife took her driver’s test, she was happy. She got 18 out of 20. Yeah, two guys jumped out of the way.
I saw my doctor last week, I told him, “Doctor, every day I wake up, I look in the mirror, I want to throw up. What’s wrong with me?!” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”
My dad didn’t like my looks either. He carried around the picture of the kid that came with the wallet.
The other night my wife met me at the door in a see-through neglige. The only trouble is, she was coming home.
I was an ugly kid, too. How ugly? I was so ugly my mother breast-fed me through a straw.
