June 30th, 2009 by admin

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question, and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to come to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand
are on the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars
are in the sky?” And again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would
somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Johnny takes 200 Ping-Pong balls and paints
them black.

The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag.
At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here’s this
week’s question,” Johnny empties the bag on the floor, sending the
Ping-Pong balls rolling to the front of the room.

The teacher shouts, “Okay, who’s the comedian with the black
balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and yells, “Bill Cosby!
See ya on Tuesday!”

June 29th, 2009 by admin

June 28th, 2009 by admin

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
”Well, now,” says the old lady, ”I guess I would like to be really rich.”

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

”And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

”Your third wish?” asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ”Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ”Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”

June 27th, 2009 by admin

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

21. One to stir the batter and twenty to peel the M&M’s

June 26th, 2009 by admin

At a local college, there was a dance.

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug”. She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss”. She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich”. She says, “Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

June 25th, 2009 by admin

June 24th, 2009 by admin

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.

The bear went first and he said,”I wish to be the only male bear in this forest.” And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, “I want a motorcycle helmet.” And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, “I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female.” And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, “I wish I had a motorcycle to go w/ that helmet.” And he got his wish.

The bear said, “I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females.” And he got his wish.
Then It was the rabbit’s turn, and he said, “I wish that bear was gay.”

June 23rd, 2009 by admin

Paddy and Murphy decide to bury their dead Father at sea and set off in their small fishing boat.

“How about here?” shouts Paddy. With that Murphy dives in and comes back to the surface, “Nah mate not deep enough, lets go out some more” says Murphy.

10 Minutes later, “How about here?”, shouts Paddy again. Once again Murphy dives in and resurfaces, “Nah mate, still not deep enough, lets go out some more.”

10 Minutes later, “How about here?”, shouts Paddy again. Once again Murphy dives in and 10 Minutes later returns to the surface. “That oughta do it” he replies “Now pass me the shovel!”

June 22nd, 2009 by admin

June 21st, 2009 by admin

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed..
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’
‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.
Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma