August 31st, 2009 by admin
- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey y’all watch this.”
- The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”
- You won’t stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
- Your junior prom had a daycare.
- You think “hip-hop” is the way a relative walks because of a hunting accident.
- The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
- Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
- The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
- Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”
- You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
- You’ve ever shot anyone for looking at you.
- You clean your nails with a stick.
- You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
August 30th, 2009 by admin
August 29th, 2009 by admin
What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?
A crazy bitch who WILL find you.
August 29th, 2009 by admin
Did you hear about the blonde that couldn’t learn to water ski?
She couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
August 24th, 2009 by admin
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc can I ask you a question?” The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it while it’s running!
August 23rd, 2009 by admin
“That wife of mine is a liar,” said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
“How do you know?” the friend asked.
“She didn’t come home last night and when I asked her where she’d been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley.”
“So?”
“So she’s a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley.”
August 22nd, 2009 by admin
August 21st, 2009 by admin
August 20th, 2009 by admin
Three churches: The Baptist, the Lutheran, and the Catholic. All three churches had problems with mice. The baptist not wanting to harm the animals decided to just leave them there, the Lutherans also not wanting to harm them but be rid of them so they put as many as they could in cages and brought them 2 miles out to the country but they still had a huge problem with the mice. The Catholics had the best solution… they rounded them up, baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
August 19th, 2009 by admin
Mike was sitting at the bar. He ordered a drink and saw this beautiful woman sitting a few seats down. He smiles at her and she smiles back. When she was getting up from her seat to go talk to Mike another man walks up to her. Mike was caught off guard because the man wasn’t a very good looking man at all. Suddenly the woman and the ugly man walked out of the bar together giggling.
The bartender brings Mike his drink. Frazzled he asked the bartender “Are those two regulars?”
The bartender looks at him and said “Well the girl is, but I have never seen the man before.”
“Do you suppose their dating?”
“I don’t think so, they came in at seperate times and didn’t notice each other until now.”
“Did you hear anything they said?” Mike asked
To which the bartender replies, “I didn’t hear anything, but I did see him touch his ear with his tongue.”