December 31st, 2009 by admin

One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60.” Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!”

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20.” “Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”

“Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10.” “Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

December 30th, 2009 by admin

If you don’t pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.

A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

December 29th, 2009 by admin

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, come along with me then.” the man from the limousine said excitedly. “But sir, I have a wife with two children!”

“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!” he said to the other man. “But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered. “Bring them as well!”

So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The rich man replied, “No, thank you… the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!” 

December 28th, 2009 by admin

What has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

December 27th, 2009 by admin

December 26th, 2009 by admin

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

December 25th, 2009 by admin

December 24th, 2009 by admin

December 23rd, 2009 by admin

One of the mysteries of life is that a two pound box of chocolates can make you gain five pounds.

The reason women over 50 don’t have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them.

It’s time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.

What happens if you confuse your Valium with your birth control pills?
You have 12 kids, but you don’t really care.

Skinny people bug me. They say things like, “Sometimes I forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my keys, my glasses, my address and my mother’s maiden name. But I have never forgotten to eat! You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

What is the best way to forget your troubles? Wear tight clothes.

Why is it harder to lose weight as you get older? Because by that time your body and your fat have become really good friends.

My mind doesn’t wander, it leaves completely.

What happens when you leave an outfit hanging in your closet for a while? It shrinks two sizes.

It’s nice to live in a small town, because if you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.

I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s what I call a perfect day.

December 22nd, 2009 by admin

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Control freak, now you say “Control freak who?”