April 2nd, 2010 by admin

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
“There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.
“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.
“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.
“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.
“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.”

April 1st, 2010 by admin

There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his cock sticking out of his pants!

The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, “What are you doing?”, to which the Indian replies, “Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial.” The cowboy in disbelief says, “Ok, what time is it?” The Indian looks down at his “3:35…” “That’s amazing, your right!” the cowboy says in amazement.

So he hops onto his horse and keeps going. Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his “one eyed bandit” and says “4:40″. The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.

After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his “bald headed champ” except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, “And what are you doing?” to which the Indian replies, “Me winding clock.”

March 31st, 2010 by admin

March 30th, 2010 by admin

The Next Cubicle

A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.
“Hey, hows it going?”
Not wanting to be rude, he replied, “Not too bad thanks.”
A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.
“What are you up to?”
Somewhat relunctantly, he replied, “Having a quick shit, what about you?”
He heard the voice again.
“Hold on, I’m going to have to call you back. There’s some wise ass in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!”

March 29th, 2010 by admin

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. “Now class, I’m going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I’m talking about. Okay, first: it’s round, plumb and red.”

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered “An apple.” The teacher replied, “No Deborah, it’s a beet, but I like your thinking.” Now for the second. It’s soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish.”

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. “Is it a peach?” Billy asks. “No, Billy, I’m afraid it’s a potato. But I like your thinking,” the teacher replies. Here’s another: it’s long, yellow, and fairly hard.”

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. “A banana,” she says. “No,” the teacher replies, “it’s a squash, but I like your thinking.”

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. “Hey, I’ve got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I’ve got it: it’s round, hard, and it got a head on it.” “Johnny!” she cries. “That’s disgusting!” “Nope,” answers Johnny, “it’s a quarter, but I like your thinking!”

March 28th, 2010 by admin

March 27th, 2010 by admin

Simple Logic:

Teacher: ‘Name one animal that is found in the desert.’
Ren: ‘A camel.’
Teacher: ‘Good. Name another animal.’
Kelvin: ‘Another camel.’

March 26th, 2010 by admin

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.

If you are a spendaholic please stay on the line for as long as possible. It’s £5 a minute for you.

If you are dyslexic, press 6969966969.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.”

March 22nd, 2010 by admin

March 21st, 2010 by admin