March 10th, 2010 by admin

So three mothers (blonde, brunette, and redhead) are sitting around one afternoon exchanging stories about their daughters.

The brunette says, “You know the other day, I found an ashtray with cigarette butts in my little Missy’s room. I can’t believe she is smoking!”

The redhead chimed in, “If you think that is bad, the other day in my little Emily’s room, I found empty liquor bottles. I can’t believe she is drinking!”

Shaking her head the blonde says, “I know how you two feel. Just the other day, in my little Mary’s room, I found used condoms. I can’t believe she has a dick!!”

March 9th, 2010 by admin

March 8th, 2010 by admin

Worlds Shortest Books:

• The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
• The Australian Book of Foreplay
• The Book of Motivated Postal Workers
• Americans’ Guide to Etiquette
• The World Guide to Good American Beer
• Royal Family’s Guide to Good Marriages
• Safe Places to Travel in the USA
• Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity
• Jerry Garcia’s Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
• Contraception by Pope John Paul II
• Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
• The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex
• The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle.
• Consumer Marketing Ethics
• Al Gore: The Wild Years
• America’s Most Popular Lawyers
• Career Opportunities for History Majors
• Detroit – A Travel Guide
• Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
• Easy UNIX
• Everything Men Know about Women
• George Foreman’s Big Book of Baby Names
• Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette
• The Amish Phone Book
• Great Women Drivers Of Today
• Beauty Secrets by Janet Reno
• Home Built Airplanes by John Denver
• How To Get To The Super Bowl by Dan Marino
• Things I Love About Bill by Hillary Clinton
• My Life’s Memories by Ronald Reagan
• Things I Can’t Afford by Bill Gates
• Things I Would Not Do For Money by Dennis Rodman
• The Wild Years by Al Gore
• Amelia Earhart’s Guide To The Pacific
• America’s Most Popular Lawyers
• All The Men I’ve Loved Before by Ellen DeGeneres
• Spotted Owl Recipes by the Sierra Club

March 7th, 2010 by admin

March 6th, 2010 by admin

Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.

March 5th, 2010 by admin

Half dressed redneck couple sitting on couch watching news on TV with man’s arm around the woman. The man says “Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. Right, Darlin?” The woman replies, “That’s right, Daddy.”

March 4th, 2010 by admin

March 3rd, 2010 by admin

Here are the best headlines of the year (yes, they are real)…

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands

11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

12. Eye Drops Off Shelf

13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids

14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead

15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death

18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant

19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree

20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter

21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years

22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

23. War Dims Hope For Peace

24. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

25. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures

26. Deer Kill 17,000

27. Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide

28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

30. Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charge

31. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group

32. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

34. Chef Throws His Heart In Helping Feed Needy

35. Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire

36. Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood

37. Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half

38. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

39. Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

March 2nd, 2010 by admin

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?”

To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

March 1st, 2010 by admin